Allrecipes.com

If I had to pick a moment, it would be early in the second episode—Schmidt had me at the skull thumb ring. But it wasn’t until later that episode when I realized there was even more funny in this character to love. 

Jess and her new roommates go to her ex-boyfriend Spencer’s house to get her stuff back, and when Spencer refuses to return her hard-earned “Jam-boree” T-shirt (“jam,” as in what you put on toast—get it? Jam-boree), Schmidt gets tough, trying to strong-arm Spencer, foodie-style:

“Girl made a lot of jam, Spence. You know how time-consuming that can be? You need a jar funnel, a canner, some fresh fruit…strawberries, raspberries, maybe a tayberry…”

Tuesdays (9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2011 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Autumn DeWilde/FOX

It was actually an all-too-close encounter with the skull thumb ring that made Spencer give up the T-shirt. But Schmidt’s detailed knowledge of jam-making deserves equal credit, lulling Spencer into a defenseless state as he had to have been wondering, Why does this guy know so much about jam?…And what’s a tayberry?

Then, POW!—Spencer never saw that ridiculous piece of man-jewelry coming.

And now, please enjoy some scones (for that jam you are craving), as well as a few more Schmidt foodie rants.

  Scones

—Mackenzie Schieck, Editor, Allrecipes.com

Schmidt’s Top 10 Hyper-Foodie Quotes:
#10
[To one of Jess’s students:] “No, no, no—water crackers are for adults. To eat with adult cheese.”

  Cheddar Crackers

#9
[Nick:] “Hey Schmidt, how’s your yogurt thing?”
[Schmidt:] “The parfait? …It’s a parfait.”

  Yogurt Parfait

#8
“Mmm…you know you want in on this, man. A little fatty tune, yellow T, Cali roll, samurai snack…so scrummy.”

  Spicy Tuna Sushi Roll

#7
“Everyone drinks Midori sours! It is a melon liqueur, an American classic with an Asian influence!”

  Melonade

#6
“Girl made a lot of jam, Spence. You know how time-consuming that can be? You need a jar funnel, a canner, some fresh fruit…strawberries, raspberries, maybe a tayberry…”

  Rhubarb Strawberry Jam

#5
“It’s a top-of-the-line conical burr coffee grinder. Do you know what that means? It means it doesn’t smash up the beans like some pedestrian blade grinder—it actually grinds them for a deeper, richer, more satisfying flavor profile!”

  How to Grind Coffee Beans

#4
“Anyone who tells you the future of gravy is nitrogen-based is cooking with blinders on, Cee-Cee.”

  Easy Gravy

#3
“I would really appreciate it if your non-Tahitian vanilla was not touching my Tahitian vanilla.”

  Vanilla Crepes

#2
“I’m cooking the whole meal, and I don’t want you touching anything. And I don’t want to hear, Schmidt, Schmidt, you’re using too much tarragon—because I’m not.”

  Dijon-Tarragon Cream Chicken

#1
“Well, I can blanch or I can talk, but I can’t do both.”

Video: How to Blanch Almonds

©2011 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Greg Gayne/FOX